"I love it when a plan comes together."
- John Hannibal Smith
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived an evil pimple-faced trust-fund King that lorded over a dark kingdom. From the mists of time this King ruled based on a series of fortuitous events that his court jesters worked hard to make us believe he had anything to do with. And it was fine. Whatever. This kingdom was far, far away after all. The vast majority of the world went about its business and thought little of his shenanigans. Tales of his largesse were used to scare children and entertain their elders.
Over time the King became increasingly cray cray. Cracks began to appear in his Kingdom. The rest of of the universe paid little heed as they had become used to paying little heed. Let the King bee the King, they often told themselves at private dinner parties. After all, it is good to have the eyes of the Universe distracted. And so the balance was kept this way for years. And it was fine. Whatever.
And then the King made a series of fatal errors in judgement. He made the mistake of believing his own court and became increasingly convinced of his own largesse. He made moves of aggression he shouldn't have. He demanded tribute from the Universe. He moved against the Pirate Kingdoms. He wanted to, yet again, publish a story of his own Epic Tale and demanded the Universe pay for it. All while flaunting his own largesse in their faces. His Kingdom's Diplomat even insulted the rest of the Universe. It was if the King had decided to hand his enemies a seven-course meal on a series of silver platters.
Out in the vast ocean of space the Pirate King, the Horde King, the Broker King, and Kings from other kingdoms secretly met in secret. Often in secret from each other. Slowly and over time a plan began to form. A plan that had no plan. Because it wasn't really like that, but this is a story so we'll stick with making it simple. Kings talked. Kings plotted. But in the end, events escalated beyond their wisdom and things just started happening anyway. And it was fine. Whatever.
So the Kings of the Universe banded together against this Evil King. For no other reason than it was time something was finally done. This had gone on too long really. And when you look back at it, it is rather funny in hindsight. To be honest something should have been done a long time ago before things got to this point, but that's people for you.
The Kings had no grand plan. In many cases these Kings couldn't stand each other. In many ways they are the Suicide Squad of Coalitions. Many of them are crazy in their own right. What unites them is simple - war. War is its own reward. The Kings attack because someone needs to do it and it might as well be them. Clear the Kingdom out. Chase the King from his high tower and watch what happens next. In this Kingdom no one dies. No one is finished. But things do change. And it is time for some changes. And it will be fine. Whatever.
You might be shocked to learn that this story was made up. There are no Kingdoms, no Evil King, and no Great War. I was making it all up.
This story is really about Eve Online.