Your Guide to Hiring Crews

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Yesterday I lost a ship because someone forgot to properly tune the electronic transfiberator quantum response unit (ETQ-R), you know the one. Believe me, they walked home in a box!  But it did get me thinking about how we hire our crews and I thought I'd share some of the things I've learned over the years. It isn't as easy as you might think. And it can be critical.

The first thing is to forget everything you learned in Capsuleer school about how awesome you are. You are a Capsuleer and that is awesome in many, many ways. But it doesn't make you a God when it comes to maintaining, repairing, oiling, operating, or in every other way making sure your ship works properly. For that you need a crew. A half-decent collection of men, women and whatnots, that can be relied upon when the time comes. There is nothing worse than getting down to business and discovering that one of your Mods won't activate properly, or it lags out on you! Whose fault is that?!

WHO?

I employ a "top-down" approach to hiring crews. The top is better than the bottom, a good top makes the bottom better, or as my dear old Dad used to say, "being on top is better, cause shit rolls down hill."  He was right. The crew leadership positions are the most important and I typically only fly with one or two seasoned crew members in the elite positions. My Number One and I have been flying together for almost a year, as an example. Everyone else in the crew management department is a woman, I like to have something to look at on the Bridge. ( Captain doesn't touch though. For one it is bad for business and two, my wife would kill me dead!)

The second most important thing is food. Finding a great chef, especially one that can cook while invisible under cloak, is critical. I don't know about you but I love to eat, especially when I'm out hunting in deep space far from Station or Ground.

The rest of the crew? Here are some quick guidelines to follow:

• Eye patches, peg-legs and other disabilities. Don't hire them!! A missing limb just means they screwed up once and they can screw up again. You don't want that to happen on your ship.

• Anyone with a "toady": Any crew member that has a smaller buddy that follows him around repeating everything he says, you don't want either of them. Nothing but trouble.

• Model Handsome: You can be toooo good looking! These people, men or women, tend to have "hero-complex" issues and that type of problem doesn't belong on your ship. Only hire moderately decent looking or horribly ugly crew members - they know their place!

• Former Amarrians: Current Amarrians are ok and they tend to stick to themselves, but former Amarrians are nothing but trouble. Like former drug addicts, they just won't stop talking about it. Leave them in station. ( I believe this goes double for Vegetarians as well!)

• Sickness: Don't. That guy clutching his stomach? God knows what might be in there!


WHERE?

Every Station is different, but generally most Captains troll the bars and brigs for their crews. And while those will serve in a pinch, we've all done it, the last thing I want is a crew full of boozers and people who get caught easily.  ( Those types of failure attitudes will quickly infect the entire crew ) I usually get the bulk of my crews from the workshops, sweat shops and gardens in Station. They are paid terribly low wages but yet they keep working at these dead-end jobs! Amazing people. Usually they have some ugly fat wife or rugrats to support, so the idea of vague promises of wealth usually are enough to entice them into your ship.

If that fails I tend to raid mid-managers from one of the Station Corporations. Same principle really.


The most important thing however is reputation. Your reputation as a Captain will travel ahead of you thru the ranks of the crew and out into space. You want a reputation as a Captain that doesn't take any crap but deals somewhat fairly with his crew. Don't make friends with them for goodness sake! But don't get them all killed either. I tend to try and stay right around 73% operational on the escape pods on my ships. Any more than that starts to take money off the bottom line and any less is bad for business. As long as the survivors out-number the dead, you should be fine.

Working with normal humans can be tiring, boring and full of smells, but you are the Captain and an Immortal. So remember that and make sure they keep the ETQ-R in proper working order!!





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