Happy Skippy Fun Time Systems


I'm about to tell you something that will automagically transform the entire Universe of Eve, increase subscriptions by 400 gazillion percent, increase revenues for CCP and ultimately, eventually, lead to the harmonization of peace and prosperity throughout the known world. You ready?

Introducing Happy Skippy Fun Time Systems, or HSFTS. What are HSFTS you ask?  Quite simply the best idea ever in the history of Eve. So let me back-pedal and try to explain this insanely great idea.

Imagine with me a moment. A brand spanking new system is discovered, let's say one new one per Empire. These systems don't have CONCORD protection because they simply don't need it. Because, for some unknown but gloriously happy skippy reason, weapons mods simply DO NOT WORK in them. Whoa. I know right? But that's not even the great genius bit yet.

These systems are full of Kittens. Oh yeah, big-eyed, fluffy kittens of love. The asteroids are cupcakes, the planets are marshmallow, and the stations are open-air atriums of love and understanding. Old school Hippie style.

Oh sure it's magic. Love is magic baby. Unicorns, which are in your CQ, are also magic. This is a magical place of love, harmony and understanding. No one gets ganked here, no one gets war dec'd, or aggressed, or laughed at, or made to feel inferior. 

Chicks will dig HSFTS!! Just think about it. Mining Cupcakes all day, drinking from the chocolate waterfall dessert tray of life, kicking it to the local bands, trading clothes with the Nex Merchants... I can imagine my own wife subscribing in about two seconds!

Oh sure, the evil, dark, dangerous Eve still lives on outside the gates of the four HSFTS systems - but after awhile no one will go there anymore. And why would you want to? Why not spend time consulting the EFT Wizard, who is actually a Wizard that lives on top of the Sun? You can spend hours talking about the latest fitting you worked up for your Drake, cause the EFT Wizard never tires, never sleeps, and never judges. Or why not join one of the fun-loving Gate Camps on the conveniently located Gates? These are real, honest-to-goodness camps of friendly, helpful, and non-aggressive girlie men, sleeping under the stars and pondering the deeper meanings behind deep stuff. It's just like College!!

Oh man, the ideas just keep coming. And that's when you know you are a genius!! 

And the HSFTS systems don't have Wormholes... ewww. No, they have FluffyHoles, where fluffy critters of all shapes and sizes live. Like the Space Gopher! Or the ever lovable, Ground Hog of Hugs!!

Oh man, there is something for everyone in Happy Skippy Fun Time Systems. No one is left out, no one is punished, everyone is a very special snowflake. And isn't that special?

But I don't want to give away all the secrets! Plus, I'm sure by now your own head is full of wonderful idears all your own. So share, get into the spirit of a Happy Skippy Fun Time place in Eve, where we all hug, love and care. Carebears, one and all, LOLOLOLOLO!

I feel all warm inside.

(Originally published in January 2012, cause archives are fun too!)



16 comments:

  1. Wtf did i just read?

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    1. An illumination of absurdity used to illustrate the utter silliness of the ultimate carebear dream.

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    2. This Blog had great potential, then Rixx started blogging...

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    3. It has gone downhill since then. So sad.

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  2. Reading a lot of childrens books lately? And/Or slow news day?

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  3. It would blow my mind, if I came through a wormhole and ended up in this crazy place

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  4. In the big rock candy mountains, there's a land that's fair and bright,
    Where the handouts grow on bushes, and you sleep out every night.
    Where the boxcars all are empty, and the sun shines every day
    On the birds and bees and the cigarette trees,
    The lemonade springs where the bluebird sings
    In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.

    I hear there is a Lake of Whiskey too that you can paddle around in a big canoe...

    HSFTS must contain one Big Rock Candy Mountain or GTFO

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    1. Leave it to my good friend Min to get the exact reference, well done Sir.

      And yes, slow news day. Out on the road this morning.

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  5. Hehe...crazy stuff but I see your point of view. Even the other day, I was roaming low sec and attacked a guy in a plex with a ship named, "don't attack me". However, he magically escaped due to his 5 stabs and told me madly in local, "- I want to farm my plex in peace!" I told him something then I got the regular, "Go f**k yourself!"

    See in his careberish mind, he lives in the world that you just described. He expected to go to low sec and get free candy, chocolate and ice-cream. The problem, in this case good one, is EVE isn't that game!

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  6. I think you missed the ultimate carebear dream.

    Ultimate Carebears do not want rainbows and unicorns. They want dark, evil, nasty EVE to fly around in, to mine in, to PVE in.

    They just don't want dark, evil, nasty EVE to notice them.

    They just want to hang around in scary spaces, do their 'thing' in peace.

    The ultimate carebear dream is one universe, one shard, one crazy, dangerous place. And Wonder Woman's invisible plane to fly in.

    That way they can pat themselves on the back for have achieving so much in a cold, soulless place, but without the risk.

    Carebears want to affect EVE, they just don't want EVE (specifically other EVE players) to be able to affect them.

    They want a one-way mirror to observe without being observed. They want to be Jane Goodall in amongst the great apes, but with an armed guard at their back and a warm, secure cabin to spend the nights.

    Many pilots are quick to look down on the miner, the explorer, the mission runner. Not as many look down on Incursion runners, but in reality, they are all the same. "Please don't get your PVP in my PVE".

    I will admit, I can fall into this mentality at times. Running for fuel for the WH can be hazardous and sometimes when a hauler gets popped, you feel a momentary anger about folks destroying a peaceful hauler. Then you smile and figure out how to get your unarmed ship around them.

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    1. Well said Knug. I personally have nothing against anyone earning isk in any fashion they want, more power to them. What I have issue with is the attitude that they are special snowflakes deserving of special protections. They are not. I have alts and they stay out of trouble because they are smart, not because someone is protecting them.

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  7. Yeah... You crossed the line at fluffy holes. I'm out.

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  8. Did you smoke any special today? I wonder what, I could use some.

    Krull

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  9. If they did this I reckon it would be about 20 minutes before someone worked out how to grief it:)

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  10. 20 minutes huh? Man, EVE players really have gone soft these days :(

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