The Tipping Point

I've made my share of mistakes in Eve. And I've always been man enough to admit to them, learn from them and try to avoid making the same ones again.

Leaving my Corporation back in the early Summer when my son went into the Hospital was a mistake. I should have just gone AFK and let the chips fall until I could get back. Of course, at the time I wasn't sure I would be coming back. I came closer to quitting Eve at that moment than I have before or since. Hindsight.

That decision effectively killed my Corporation. It wasn't a decision made in a vacuum however. At the same time as my son's illness, two of my Directors were threatening to leave the Corporation. Those threats also led to the decision to leave.

I've been back now for over three months. Nine months since I re-started the Corporation. The person I started it with, Angor Mau, is not playing Eve anymore. My Alliance Exec has been gone for over two months. I have a blank portal page that I don't have access to. I cannot get to my TeamSpeak server, the forum, or the killboard.  There are two Corporations wanting to join the Alliance that have a combined 97 members, more than doubling the current size of our merry little group.

It felt like the Chinese Hell of a Thousand Paper Cuts.

And then Steve Jobs died. And I was reminded of a quote of his, which I paraphrase, "Look in the mirror every day as if it was your last, would you be doing what you are doing?"  I had to answer no. 

As hard as it is to admit to yourself, Lucifer's Hammer died three months ago. It died when two people you wrongly trusted took half your members with them, under what turned out ( I discovered yesterday ) to be a false pretense. It is also hard to admit that you can't do this alone, that bringing new member corporations into this situation is wrong. That every day you keep hoping the course will be corrected, all while feeling guilty for those that have come on board.

I know. This is Eve and I should just do it anyway. But I can't do that.  So instead of watching it all die a horrible death, like a beautiful race horse with a broken leg, I decided to kill it myself.  Not violently, like some rage quitting fool, but honorably and with some amount of dignity. No one will probably care one way or another, but I will.

We had an awesome run. From January to early Summer Lucifer's Hammer was on fire. We had a great team of pilots and we all worked extremely well together. We had a blast in RK and with giving them Hell for the whole stupid small neuts thing, we enjoyed our day in Muppets and the subsequent trolololololol over the lost blue freighter, and we really built a decent Alliance with some great Corporations. 

For every single pilot that came thru those doors, for every Corporation, I say thank you. Thank you for believing in us, in me and our vision for Lucifer's Hammer and the Burn Away Alliance.

As for me I am staying in Lucifer's Hammer. I said before that I wouldn't be leaving and I meant it. A few of our pilots are also staying, but we won't be actively recruiting any time soon, if ever. Right now I just want to simplify my Eve. My RL is more complicated than ever and I just want to focus on becoming a better pirate, pilot and player for the time being. Goodness knows, for some reason, I'm apparently not very good at anything else.