Dear Santa,
Best wishes from the Javix family to your family this Holiday Season. Now that the Northern Blue Block is gone, I hope you will have better luck delivering presents in Low Sec this year! I can assure you that the scum-sucking criminal elements have set you and your sleigh light blue once more, so relatively safe passage is assured. An updated list of known gate camps is attached, not much we can do with those people.
In case you are not aware, certain pagan elements have been distributing gifts ahead of Xmas day. But don't worry, so far these "gifts" have been extremely lame and horrible. In fact, I suspect they are specifically designed to annoy me and cause me personal anguish, but I digress. Just thought you should be aware that other forces are trying to scam your rightful Holiday. Speaking of scams, I once more recommend putting Jita on your avoidance list.
Yet another year of apologies for the continuing issues with the doors in our quarters, the Javix family remains unable to walk the corridors of the station. However, this year we've installed a series of beautiful staircases connecting our quarters, so getting around is extremely easy. The boys continue to grow extremely slowly and remain young and bright-eyed toddlers. Mrs. Javix and I remain convinced we exist in a strange time-metaphor known as "Sitcom" time. Very strange.
Everyone has been excellent this year and I think you will find us all on the "good" list. I've also included 3b ISK for the Reindeer Fund as usual, to ensure that we remain in your good graces.
All of us will be sending you our own Xmas Lists, so the following is my personal wish list for this Holiday season. I hope you and the Sansha Elves can see your way clear to provide each of these. I was disappointed in some of last years gifts.
• Warp Core Stabs - We talked about this before and sadly they remain in operation. What I need is a Big Red Button that will disable ALL WCS in New Eden. That seems pretty clear. Make it happen.
• Magic Sansha Elf Dust - Be sure to liberally sprinkle that stuff on all the ships in my hanger! I need all the help I can get and I suspect you forgot last year.
• Pirate Faction Battleships - One or two of each would be great, I have some seriously minded people after me and I need a better fleet of ships to combat them. Believe me, they are forces of Evil and need to be dealt with. And, I just want more of them.
• Archon. Simple enough.
• Loot Fairy. Do you have any pull with her? If so, could you do me a big solid and have some words with her on behalf of Stay Frosty? She is being really bitchy with us lately.
• Stay Frosty - Be extra nice to all our pilots this year, they are a great group and they deserve the very best. And be sure to distribute those Stay Frosty flyers I gave you in everyone's stockings, we can always use more pilots.
• A Guristas 120" LCD Television with New Eden Cable please, we'd really like to be able to watch actual television in our quarters!
I've included an updated list of Runners and Cloakers that need to have coal in their stockings this year, so be sure to pay that list particular attention.
That's about it I guess. Special unexpected ships appearing in my hanger are always appreciated and we'll leave the cookies, milk and exotic dancers in the usual place for you to enjoy. The girls know how hard you work.
Best Wishes from the Javix Family.