BB67: CCP Underpants

Welcome to the continuing monthly EVE Blog Banters and our 67th edition! For more details about what the blog banters are please visit the Blog Banter page.

I am CCP X
There has been a catastophic accident in the CCP Offices in the style of the Robbie Coltrane movie "The Pope Must Die". A leftover open bottle of Brennivin hidden behind a filing cabinet from the last Christmas party has mutated and released fumes affecting several senior CCP staff. CCP Chair is now the CEO and CCP Cub is Executive Producer assisted by CCP Kitteh. In a freak accident your player account has just been upgraded to a senior CCP staffer leading a development team! With CCP now led by an inanimate object supported by a very young child and a fluffy cat, there is nothing to stop this from happening!

You are now CCP -Insert Your CCP Name Here- and have a team of developers eagerly awaiting your commands. So CCP X, what are you going to have your team work on?

Introducing CCP Underpants!

Let us not kid ourselves, my very first act will be to create the ultimate spaceship with infinite EHP and ludicrous Deeps, with which I shall fly around the universe wrecking untold havoc completely solo and without links! I will do this for several days of carnage and hilarity, during which I shall outline my master plan to all my new found minions.

This spaceship will probably look like Serenity to start with. And then maybe it morphs into other iconic science-fiction ships at the push of a button. I dunno, I suppose I would tire of this tomfoolery eventually? Who are we kidding! I would not tire of this until a whole bunch of people on a list somewhere lost their ships!! lolz.

Should I be serious now?

Ok, fine. I figure this Chair dictatorship is not long for this world, so let's assume I have five days or so before the Icelandic Police show up. So here is my semi-serious five day plan.

• WCS now only work on Industrial and Transport ships. Duh.

• Jita no longer has a local channel. That should fix that.

• Links have to be on grid. Double Duh.

• Recons still don't show up on scan... unless they are inside a plex! Muhahaha.

• Speaking of plex, we'll add a BC Class plex to make things fun again.

• We'd clean house and remove about 35% of the stations in New Eden and have High Sec lose about 25% of its Systems to low sec. Oh and Low Sec gets asteroids made of Unobtanium, which I just invented, which is needed to make T3 Cruisers now.

• Let's clean up the database too! Any Corps/Alliance that have been dead for more than, say five years, will be removed from the DB. So someone else can use those names now.

• T3 Link Cruisers operated by an alt character only come in PINK! (I know I said I'd be serious, I am.)

• Link ships and Logistics ships now show up on killmails. (Somehow we'd make that retro-active, that should be funny.)

• Any ship active on a gate for longer than ten minutes explodes, hmm, same for bubbles.

• Entosis links only work on BC/BS class ships.

Oh man, here are the Cops.

Ok maybe I wasn't that serious, but there are some good ideas in there.

And no, my CCP name would not really be CCP Underpants.

Although that is a good one.