Over the course of my 15 year career in Eve Online I've made dozens of mistakes. Some I wish I could do over and some have just been stupid. Many mistakes were made in the early days because I didn't truly understand what Eve was or how I was supposed to play it. Some mistakes were made because I was hanging out with the wrong people at the time. Other mistakes were made in the heat of the moment. Others were made because of other reasons.
I think, if we are honest with ourselves, we've all made our fair share of mistakes. But today I want to be as honest and straight forward as I can be. Back in the early days of Eve Online I made a lot of mistakes because I was battling serious depression. I won't bore you with all the details about the insanity of my life back then, but suffice to say that between 2008 and 2014 my life would have broken most of you reading these words. It almost broke me. A few weeks ago I had lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in a long time and he asked me about those years and I asked him which version of the story he wanted - the version I use to tell casual/business people - or the unadulterated version. He quickly regretted asking for the unadulterated version.
Mistakes are one thing, but regrets are something else. And yes, I have many regrets. Most of those are tied up in the chaos that happened around the time Stay Frosty was born back in early 2013. I sincerely regret some of the things that happened between myself and some members of my previous corporation The Tuskers. And I especially regret some of the things that I got caught up in at the time, things I said, and things I did. I was lucky enough to have a chance to apologize to the Tusker CEO in person later at Fanfest. We had some drinks, said our words, and moved on. That made me feel a lot better about what had happened. It isn't often in this game that you get that chance. I didn't want to waste it.
One thing I do NOT regret in my career is the time this great community came together and bought me a new computer. In some corners of the community this incident gets thrown in my face now as a "scam" or "child support" or some other version of what actually happened. Those people do not know what they are talking about. They've bought into a narrative started by people who didn't like that I stood up against their crazy kickstarter and believed the lies told by certain people to try and discredit me and my position. There is a long and complicated back story here, but the truth is that at my lowest point - my computer broke. And when some people heard about it they sent us money to help. Within 24 hours they had raised enough to replace the computer. (That was two computers ago now, this is how long ago this happened.) It was an incredible and amazing day. And it is, frankly, why I have dedicated so much of my time and energy to this community.
In my opinion that was a triumph. Every cent of that was accounted for, pictures of receipts, all shown to those that cared - tweeted, documented. Case closed. In the years since my Wife and I have spent more than double the amount raised to hand out free swag at events, hold player meets at our own home, donate to other charities and fund-raisers, and help support community events both in-game and out. Not to mention the thousands of hours I've spent helping to create graphics and art for the community over the years.
If you continue to choose to believe lies, then that is on you. I have made my fair share of mistakes and I own up to those. When I can, I've even apologized for them. But I won't be held accountable for something I didn't do.
I know this doesn't mean that some people will change their opinions. I don't expect everyone to like me. I wouldn't even know how to do that, nor would I try. Not everyone likes me in real life either. Just ask my Brother. (Another long story)
All I can do is keep flying, keep writing, and keep trying to create something truly meaningful.
Not everyone is going to like that.