Evil God of Lag We Beseech Thee

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Hear us oh terrible One!  Hear our cries and be merciful upon thy unworthy subjects!  Oh woe unto us, so miserable and worm-like and truly repellent in our parent's basements, hear us and shine even a tiny, itty bit of your favor upon us.  For are we not, even as scummy and sweaty as we may be, eternally dependent upon thy internet spaceship creation?  Are we not, indeed, monthly tithers of our ill-gotten gains?  If not then that, then perhaps thy pixel based omnipotence can show us the way towards lag-free connections, wiz us along the golden streets of unlimited Mb download and, Whoa unto us for even suggesting it, upload speeds as well?


The Evil God of Lag is not amused at you Rixx Javix.  How darest thou pour forth such obvious sarcasm and expect my radiance to shine down upon you?


But Lord... surely I have proven somewhat worthy?  My scribbles boast of thine eternal shine and pleasure upon thine server based, global multi-player majesty... does it not please you?


You make the God of Lag laugh out Loud mortal worm!  I shall hold you up at Gates and drop your connection randomly throughout your days! This will teach you the true meaning of your unworthiness and general state of being unworthy.  So there.


You are wise Oh Laggie God.  No doubt about that.  But I beseech thee to not judge thy servant harshly.  For I only wish to jump playfully about the Universe thine wisdom has created and be about thine business.  Surely, even as worm-like as my thoughts must be, I must grasp an iota of your general idea?


Bah, Lag God grows bitterly tired of your drivel!  Suffer the slow warps of my wrath and enjoy thine infrequent and meaningless messages that help you not!  Muhahahaha!


Thou art wise Oh Evil God of Lag.  Go forth and be about thine Holy business. Fly Safe unto the end of days.


Flyest though safe.  And worry not about the 60 man Hac Gang Lag God is sending your way!


[I've suffered two of the worst lag-fest infested days in Eve and thought I'd have some fun with it.  The lag is not CCP's fault, for some reason the connection here has been suffering.  I'm sure it has something to do with something or other completely out of my control.  I dc'd about 12 times yesterday and 4 times already today... so hopefully this won't continue much longer.]