The Perceived Art of Smacktalk

Smacktalk is an art. And like any other art form it is very difficult to explain what makes regular talking in local elevate to an art form. But when it happens you know. Others may not know however, because everyone has their own ideas about what is art and what isn't. Even the idea of bad smacktalk is open to interpretation. For some people, simply linking penis photos in local is the highest form they can achieve.

For some odd reason Eve has a local channel. In this channel anyone present in the System at the time can write whatever they want. From Jita scams to insults about your Mother, the gambit runs the full spectrum. In Null space we were generally taught to avoid speaking in local as it only served to reveal Intel about you to the enemy. In some Alliances you could get kicked for speaking in local. I remember fleets in which the FC had to specifically grant permission, say after a big fight, for us to even type "gf" into local. In high-sec most systems are dead quiet, most local talk seems to happen in Jita, Dodixie, Rens, Amarr, New Caldari, etc. And then there is low sec...

Intel doesn't often matter when there are three people in local and everyone can see everyone else on d-scan. Smacktalk in low is neighborhood bully time, bullhorn announcements, bad links, funny videos, jokes, insults, false intel, and just about everything else under the Sun. Or at a safe spot near the Sun.

For me personally smacktalk is a bit different than it might be for others. I make no presumptions here, all I can do is explain my own feelings about the subject. First of all, on a regular basis, my presence in local is announced with loud horns! Ok, not actual horns, but it might as well be. Someone will invariably type, "o/ Rixx Javix!" or some variation of that in local. And, being the person I am (if I see it), I must type back. I love you all, I really do. So that must be considered. I also represent Stay Frosty and ABA, so that also has to be considered. Whatever I say better be good. Which is why I typically don't say anything.

My teen years are thirty years behind me. I no longer believe that I know everything. I'm not an angry young man anymore, I am moving towards bitter old fart. (Not really, but that is funnier than the truth) My smack is well-considered. Often extremely tactical or strategic. And sometimes aimed at simply convincing someone to attack me. Cause really all I want is to have a good fight.

It has been my feeling all along that the best smacktalkers are young, angry men who still believe they know everything. That their crap smells better than yours. And that the world is going to treat them special. They are so cute at that age. Not! I know this extremely well because I watched my own Son play Eve from the age of 14 to 18 and the quality of his smack grew right along with him. For this reason his smack was much better than mine ever will be. But my own brand of smack, when utilized, works much better than his ever would.

I don't like smacktalk. And yet I appreciate good smacktalk. And yet again, I will also use it myself sometimes. This is, after all, the weird crux of the perceived art of smacktalk. It is at once incredibly stoopid, funny, dumb, witty, weird, and potentially troublesome. And completely pointless. Y'know, most of the time.

If I had my way smack in local would be awesome all the time. It would never be in Russian. (Although I also enjoy trolling Ruskies when I'm bored) And it would always make me laugh.

In my mind that is the best smack. When I laugh. The rest of it is just a bunch of white guys with their arms back yelling at each other.

Which, let's be honest here, can also be funny.


  1. I'm not much for smack talk, if I feel some one is taking things too serious in local I'll post ponies. Elite spaceship pvpers seem to hate cartoon horses, causing such rage with adorable pictures amuses me greatly.

  2. I believe outstanding smack talk, as opposed to peddling tired old memes, could be seen as the modern incarnation of rhetoric ( ).

    For me, the very best smack talk will generally have me laughing along with it, even if the smack target is myself or the group I belong to. By my own own moral code this will exclude racial, misogynistic or homophobic slurs, threats of sexual violence or references to my mom. I must admit I probably miss a lot of smack talk in EVE as I have local seperated and collapsed down to just the member list. Furthermore, becuase of lack of practice on my part, I'd probably classify my own smack talk as amateurish at best.

  3. Sarcasm... welcome to britainia.... xoxxoxoxo


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