Yesterday I launched a new series of videos called "Artist's Corner" and I spent the rest of the day in a complete depressive funk. Yep. Giving birth to a act of creative energy is exhausting, ridden with anxiety, and stressful. It doesn't matter how old I get, or how experienced, or how certain I am of my own abilities. I'm still just as ridden with anxieties as I was back in art school. The difference now is that I know it is coming and I have adapted ways to deal with the flood.
In fact the act of creation is one of those ways. And I'll be dealing with that in more detail as the series goes along. For now I will say this, it is not a shock to me that the period of my greatest creative output coincided with the period of greatest upheaval and disruption in my personal and professional life. Out of that chaos came this very blog and nearly two decades of creative expression unlike anything that came before it. And all of that expression was essentially me dealing with major depression, anxiety, and stress.
You might be shocked to hear that. Yep, I'm a real mess. We all are to one degree or another. Mine is built on a strong foundation of extreme trauma, a weird circle of imposing death, and a serious case of imposter syndrome that never seems to let up no matter what I accomplish. That is just pure honesty. And those are words I couldn't have written about myself even a few decades ago. I've come a long way in recognizing these things and dealing with them. Wisdom often does come with age after all.
I mention all of this in a blog about Eve Online to encourage you. Because I know you are dealing with your own craziness. At work, at home, in your personal and professional lives. No matter what you do for a living, or what your background might or might not be - these truths are universal. We are all wrestling with some demons on a daily basis. And often, video games, like Eve Online - are one of many ways we seek to distract ourselves. A form of self-therapy. An escape from the drudgery of day to day reality. Escaping into the virtual world can be a good thing. As long as you are also working on reality as well. Otherwise it is just a bandage that will come off in the approaching storm.
As for me I woke up this morning and posted my new video over on LinkedIn where it is getting absolutely zero attention. I tore down my portfolio site and started re-building it from scratch. I'm writing the copy for an exciting new tutorial video I'm working on. And I designed a new skin for a JUST contest. And it is only 11am as I'm writing these words.
Don't ever let the bastards get you down. Forge ahead. Be honest with yourself and embrace your demons, understand them, and then put those scaly beasts to work for you. Happiness, understanding, self-respect, satisfaction, these all come from within.
Life is a journey. And tomorrow is a new day.